Bald is Beautiful

How many of us would voluntarily, without having a nervous breakdown, shave our head? For many women, our hair is a symbol of our beauty, an external expression of our personality. My sister has the perfect hair, the kind that others spend many hours and dollars trying to achieve - perfect smooth, blond curls that look fabulous in any style.

 

At the age of 30, Allison was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It was caught extremely early and Allison was told she had a great chance of recovery, with the removal of one ovary and by undergoing chemotherapy. She said “Hair or life? It wasn’t a difficult choice.” Instead of mourning the inevitable loss of her long locks, she took out the clippers and sported her first buzz cut before the first strand fell. Two weeks into her treatment, she was completely bald.

 

Although prepared for losing her hair, she wasn’t prepared for the reaction she received in public. Strangers, assuming that her new appearance was an “in your face” fashion or political statement, would stare, chuckle, and make snide and critical comments. Regardless, Allison sported her unadorned head, without hat or scarf, bravely challenging society’s notion of female beauty.

 

Twelve years later, Allison remains healthy and vibrant, enjoying her life as a playwright, wife and mother of two boys. This week, Allison, along with her husband and her nine-year old son, voluntarily shaved her head again, this time to raise money for children’s cancer research. She is working on a play based on her experience, and boldly walks around town sporting her new look, inviting comments from strangers with her lapel pin that says, “Ask me why I’m bald.” I’ve never seen her more beautiful!

Winning Essay for 2009 “Who’s Your No.1 Lady?” National Contest sponsored by HBO, YWCA and Botswana Tourism Board

 

To the Nourishment of our Bodies

I haven’t eaten in over nine days. Eat – A verb meaning to “put (food) into the mouth and chew and swallow it” (New Oxford American Dictionary). I am on a fast, a voluntary abstention from all food. Instead, I drink a concoction of lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne and water that I diligently assemble six to eight times a day.

Eat – A verb that also means “consume, devour, ingest, partake of; gobble up/down, bolt down, wolf down; swallow, chew, munch, chomp; informal guzzle, nosh, put away, chow down on, tuck into, demolish, dispose of, polish off, pig out on, scarf down”…. as well as to “corrode, wear away/down/through, burn through, consume, dissolve, disintegrate, crumble, decay; damage, destroy, erode” – as in “acidic water can eat away at pipes (Oxford American Writer's Thesaurus).

According to the creator of the fast, while I am not eating, I am receiving nourishment. Nourishment – a noun meaning “the substances necessary for growth, health, and good condition” from the Latin word nutrire meaning ‘feed, cherish’ (Again, New Oxford). And, who am I to argue? In many ways, I’ve never felt better. I feel lighter, more energetic, and, yes, healthier each day as I cleanse all the toxins and crap (literally) out of my body.

But, I miss food. I’m not hungry; I just miss food. Food is such a huge part of our American society. We “do” breakfast and lunch meetings, take our coffee/snack breaks from our computers, commune with our loved ones as we cook and devour our evening meal. True to the meaning, we gobble up more than our share, more than is necessary, and we wear away at the earth and decay our bodies with overconsumption, processed chemicals and waste.

It’s summer, and my heirloom tomatoes are ripening and filling up the bowl on my counter with colors of orange, yellow, purple, and red. The Saturday morning’s farmers market is filled with the intoxicating sights and smells of freshly picked berries, figs, peaches, okra and basil. These other sensory aspects of these prohibited foods are my solace from shear boredom.

During this fast, I read Barbara Kingsolver’s The Poisonwood Bible, a heart-wrenching novel about the deconstruction and reconstruction of a missionary’s family in a war torned and poverty strickened Congo over a course of three decades. I am acutely aware of the luxuries of my life – that I have the indulgence of choosing to refrain from eating, while others refrain without choice. I also understand how little it takes to nourish the body, and how difficult that nourishment is to find for others.

Today, I am beginning my journey back to the world of the eating. I pray that I take this new awareness with me and seek to nourish my body and soul with a new appreciation for the meaning of food. I begin by drinking the freshly made juice of an apple. The most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted.

Earning Our Keep

I recently entered into a debate with a friend of mine regarding the importance of “earning our keep.”  As I reevaluate the way I live my life, I question this notion that we must prove ourselves to be worthy of our blessings. 

I looked up the word earn in the New Oxford American Dictionary on my computer. The origin of the word is the Old English word earnian, from a base shared by Old English esne, which translates as laborer.  The definition refers to “obtaining in return for labor or services, incurring deservedly in return for one's behavior or achievements, and being worth the time, money, or effort spent on one.”  One of the examples cited, i.e. use it in a sentence, and, I kid you not, is “through the years she has earned affection and esteem.”  Imagine, our society has trained us that we must labor to deserve the affection and respect of others!

I suggest that instead of “earning” our lives, more importantly, we, as human beings, seek to “contribute” to our lives.  The same source as above indicates that the word contribute comes from the Latin contribut, translated as brought together, added, and is defined as “giving in order to help achieve or provide something.”  It further defines a contribution as “the part played by a person … in bringing about a result or helping something to advance.” 

So, next time someone asks - “What do you do for a living?” - consider your response.  Maybe instead of explaining how you earn a living, or in other words, what you do that makes you deserving (of whatever it is that you desire), share how you contribute, the role you play in advancing whatever small, or large, part of this world you choose, bringing about results – often the many blessings of this life.  

What We Do

I find that when I run into folks these days, the conversation becomes the same.  First there’s the obligatory “How are you?”  To which, I usually respond “Very well, thank you” and then they say something about “being too busy, no time, just trying to keep up, worry about the economy, blah blah blah.”  Then follows the inevitable “What are you doing?” – typically the second question of the conversation.  “What am I doing?  I thought it was obvious – I’m talking to you.”  Of course, I understand that they mean what am I doing in the big scheme of things.  How am I contributing to society?  How am I earning my keep?  In what way do I define myself as having value?  A title – a clear understanding of who I am!

Deciding to take a sabbatical after 20 years as a professional woman, I search for these answers myself.  I haven’t really changed.  I’m still the same person, with the same experience, the same skills.  I still walk into a room full of men in black suits, look every one directly in the eye as I shake their hand and talk business lingo.  The only difference these days is that I’m not wearing the black suit, I don’t have a title, and I’m happy.

I have a great little book on my shelf - Life's Journeys According to Mister Rogers.  Page 44 says "It's really easy to fall into the trap of believing that what we do is more important than what we are.  Of course, it's the opposite that's true:  What we are ultimately determines what we do!"

So, what does a professional woman do on sabbatical?  She decompresses, she reenergizes, she has fun, and most importantly, she becomes herself.  

Climbing Mountains

I'm reading Three Cups of Tea by Mortenson and Relin, an amazing story about Greg Mortenson's journey from a failed attempt to summit K2 to building schools for children in poverty stricken villages of Pakistan and Afghanistan.  For approximately $20,000, and, yes, a great deal of work and diligence, Mr. Mortenson builds a school for an entire village.  That's half the cost of what many Americans pay for one of their many household cars.  Mortenson's schools are providing education to all children, including young girls, empowering people, and promoting peace and understanding, through education. 

I recall watching a broadcast on PBS called "Small Fortunes," a program about the impact that microcredit is having in empowering individuals, especially women, and especially in developing countries. The story that stands out in my mind was of a woman from India who borrowed a little less than $100, to purchase trinkets to trade with children for hair that they would gather from the village, so that she could make wigs.  The story goes on to say that her new thriving business has brought not only financial stability to her household, but also a new respect from her husband and her community. 

I know that there are many critics, and that not all such stories have happy endings, or are perfect in their execution. Yet, the truth is that many of these programs are making significant positive impacts on individuals and communities throughout the poorest of areas across the globe.  The simple construction of a well, providing clean water to a village in a non-developed country, can reduce the infant mortality rate by half.

I wonder, how do we make that level of impact in a developed society, or can we?  While poverty, poor education, and oppression certainly exist in our society, is there a diminishing rate of return for making meaningful social impact in societies that are meeting the majority of its inhabitants’ basic needs of food, water, and safety? Or, is there an opportunity for creating new models for truly making a difference?

Appreciate Everything

A set of intention cards sits next to my computer, spread out in a pewter dish encircled in carved rabbits, given to me by one of the many incredible women with which I find myself surrounded. I've begun a habit of pulling a card each day, sometimes multiple cards, sometimes multiple times a day, to help me in my practice of appreciating this life and being receptive to the amazing experiences that it has to offer. Interestingly, although there are about a hundred cards in the pile, and regardless of how much I shuffle them, I tend to regularly draw the same handful of messages. My favorite, and often the most difficult to actually practice, says "Appreciate Everything and Everyone.'' Hmmm. Everything? On the reverse side, the card encourages me to appreciate every experience and everyone that has played a role in my life, as having been sent to me for my benefit. Hmmm. Again, everything?

I think about a recent experience. I think about the large metal object that flew into the windshield on the last day of this past year, slamming into me like a freight train dead center in the chest, bouncing onto the floorboard, and leaving behind a fractured sternum and two broken ribs. I think about the inexplainable desire to fidget with my camera that motivated me to look down right before the event occurred, causing the glass to spill in my hair and not my eyes. I think about the chill that went through me only a few minutes prior, that caused me to wrap the scarf around my neck and zip up my fleece jacket, both providing protective cushion for my sensitive skin. And, most strangely, I think about the past year and my prayers for help in 'opening my heart center' and for 'permission to rest,' and how the universe, in one very deliberate and dramatic moment, provided both.

And, as I learn to appreciate everything about this experience, and, set my intentions to be receptive to more subtle and gentle forms of communication in the future, I think about that intention card that concludes with - "In this universe, which was created by a divine, organizing intelligence, there are simply no accidents."